SIN

It has to be well planned. Every detail looked onto. Everything must be perfect. The perfect sin. And the perfect place for it. The KITCHEN.

The Kitchen is the only part of the house which is cleaned Twice- Daily. Not top to bottom. But the Basics- the cooking area, the sink, they need to be clean.

It was because

She... was coming over for dinner.

In the past, he had called her over so many times. Every time she had an excuse. The first time he had invited her to his place, she said she had to do her laundry. That was six months ago.

Their relationship has developed quite a lot from then.

They work together. Seven months ago, when he asked her for tea, she had replied "colleagues are not allowed to date here". They did go for tea, and she paid for her cup, he paid for his. The conversations made them feel the jolt of "Love" at first sight.

They had indeed signed a contract which said they were not to date colleagues. The reason being that it reduced efficiency at work. This made their plight more interesting.

It started like any other love affair. Phone conversations. They would talk for hours on the phone. About everything. Life, culture, family, society, love, plans. They found so many things in common and so many uncommon yet fascinating elements in their lives.

By day, they were office goers, colleagues, strangers to the unknown eye, and by night secret admirer of each other. And after a few months the attraction developed into what both of them believed to be love.

In the office, They could only steal a look at each other in the meeting room, in the cafeteria. But whenever they were sure they were all alone, they would chance a kiss, or two. They had their usual spots in the office. The elevator, the car park, and once even in the men's room... when both of them were working late. But nothing went beyond kisses and hugs. They could not risk being caught violating office rules. For both of them, the Secrecy, fear, made the love affair more exciting.

Today she was coming over to his place. For the first time. And no one in the office knew about this. This thought had made him so excited that he sliced some meat off his forefinger while cutting carrots.

The knife was sharp. All his knives were sharp. And he had all kinds of knives. Knives, frying pans, cooking pots he had every specific kitchen gadget available in the market. And the collection of spices from normal cumin, fennel, chili, oregano, to very odd sounding Pimpinella anisum,
Foeniculum vulgare, Piper nigrum.... would make any housewife envy of this kitchen.

He is a good cook. That is his pride. His Passion. That is his love. He has a small library of cook books in his kitchen. French, Indian, Italian, Chinese, Newari, Thakali.... everything is there. Today he has something else in mind. Something unpublished. Something original. Something special. Because She was coming over. He lighted the stove and worked his magic... and let the stove on for a while.

And wine. The perfect red wine. "Cabernet Sauvignon" Year 1975. He never knew how or where to buy wines. This was a gift to him from his father who was the real wine lover.

The bell rang.

"Oh my god she is here." he thought. He went to the door, without taking off his kitchen apron which said, 'SALUTE CAPTAIN COOK'.

When he opened the door, he was flabbergasted. She was beautiful. She looked at him, smiled and said,"This is not really a formal event you know!!." Making a pun at his kitchen apron, She came in. And she gave him her coat which exposed her dress.

She was wearing a sleeveless, knee length, light blue gown. The slevelessness gave away her beautiful bosoms while the light blue-ness gave away her stunning figure.

"You umm... hah" He was lost for words. He tried to recollect himself. He wanted to hit himself on his head for acting so stupid with someone so close.

"You look great.. very prett..." She kissed him, covering his mouth, capturing his tongue before the word Pretty could escape from it. He kissed her back. They were lost in each other. They were not in the office, they didn't have to hurry. So, She had started to breathe very heavily now. He pulled back unlocking the kiss. "Wait..." he said, "The KITCHEN!!".

He literally ran towards the kitchen.

It took her a moment to come back to earth. She sat down. She looked around. Her breathing started coming back to normal. She was in the living room. There were pictures on the table. She looked at his parent's pictures, his dog's, she picked up his picture frame. "Wine?". She was startled.

"What?" he said. Shakes her head,"Nothing".

"Come on inside. We start with wine and cheese" he invites her into his kitchen.

She went inside and looked around in awe. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. She prided herself to be a good cook. But when she looked around, saw the appliances, the spices, the cookbooks, she knew she would feel very inferior if she talked about food.

The wine was already poured... he gave her the bottle. 1975 the year. The wine was 10 years older than her. He said "drink up... The first glass is without cheese."

It tasted sweet. She had always thought old wines equals more alcohol equals worse taste, but this was different. She finished her glass. He poured her a second glass.

He gave her some cheese.
"Put this whole slice inside your mouth, chew everything, and then rinse the whole lot with the wine". She did as she was told, the cheese didn't taste so good at first, but the wonderful taste of the wine, made everything better.

He poured himself some wine before asking her.

She declined. "Are you trying to get me drunk?"

"No, I've Already Poisoned you" he said.

"Yeah. Someone like You would risk ruining this old wine? Why are you Drinking it then?" She asked.

"Not the wine honey." He took a sip of the wine. "The Cheese".

"Ha Ha Ha... Clever". She Laughed.

"Yeah, That's why I told you to put the whole thing in your mouth and chew.... The sedatives would take a lot of time to work if you had eaten the cheese in small proportions. And see.... the wine helps to rinse the sedative's bad taste off, in the end, you're just left with the good taste of the wine." He explained finishing his wine and pouring some more. "You sure you don't want any?"

"You win Captain Cook. You Poisoned me, please pour me some wine, and I am having the cheese". That was her attempt at being funny.

She knows he is kidding. She trusts him too much. She repeats the same action. She picks up the remaining cheese from the table, the whole lot, and put it inside her mouth- a whole mouth full with her cheeks ballooning out, chews it, takes in the bad taste, and the rinses her mouth with wine. And swallows everything. This time however, she starts feeling a bit tipsy,"Ooh.. I think the wine is getting to me" She says.

"Its the sedative honey. Not the wine." he says now turning his back to her and working in the kitchen.

"Ow.. Quit Kidding. Its getting really boring now". She changes her tone a bit.

He turns back to her, shaking a knife in his hand, and with a wicked smile, "Don't blame me afterwards".

Quiet. For a while.

Then She speaks.
"What are we having for dinner?"

"Its a surprise."

She loves his surprises. She remembers back when he purposed to her in the photocopy room with a set of diamond earrings. He had also said its a surprise then, and then according to him, the diamond earrings were the secret ingredients.

"What's the secret ingredient?" she asked.

He looks at her and says "YOU, my love".

Flattered. She smiles."No really. Come on... What are we having for dinner honey?".

"I am having you for dinner honey." She was feeling very different. She doesn't remember wine ever giving her such a different high. And for a moment she thought She was hearing things now. Or was in a very funny mood?

She tries to correct him, "You are having me OVER for dinner... honey. What.... " the effects of the wine are really getting to her. old wine. old wine. She closes her eyes and asks "What are we eating?"

"YOU......".
That was the last word she heard before she passed out.
.........................................................................................................................

It was well planned. Every detail was looked onto. Everything was perfect. The perfect sin. And the perfect place for it. The KITCHEN.
.......................................................................................................................

She opened her eyes. She was still in the kitchen. She tries to speak, she cannot. she looks around, her boyfriend, her love, was standing a few feet away, facing the stove.

He turns to see her awake.

"Hey, welcome back".
Her head feels heavy... she wants to hold her head.... She cannot move.

"Honey, you scared me for a while, you ate the whole cheese. I would have stopped you."

She was sitting on a chair. She tries to lift herself from the chair. She cannot. She cannot move. She doesn't feel anything holding her. She tries to speak. She cannot. She cannot speak, her lips are closed, she tries to let out sound from her throat, only an echo of inaudible sound.

"Let me Break some news to you... You cannot move, You cannot speak... You have been poisoned. NO no you wont die, Actually you are paralyzed... "

She can think, blink her eyes move her eyes, but cannot move nor speak.

"You made me wait 7 months for this... 7 months,and all we did was talk and talk and talk and talk... Ok I didn't mind the kissing, but honey... this is more fun. Both my love for Cooking, and you... are together." He turns to his stove.

He had poisoned her NO, He had drugged her. Whatever. She trusted him. She loved him. Now she couldn't move.

"7 months... you know, I can impregnate a girl and maybe have a premature baby by that time.. 7 months, I hate fetuses. I hate the way they smell. Even after washing them over and over and over.... Yuck... but I bet, you would taste great."

'I would taste great?' she blinked her eyes trying to communicate. She wanted to say so much. She wanted to ask why he was doing it. She loved him. He loved her.

"Honey, You see... cooking is not science, or art. Its Logic. Mixing the right kind of spices in right proportions and with the right food. Consider if you must, a goat.....What is the best part of a goat? no no no... not the head... you get great soup from the head, and ears should be burned in fire.. till the carbons turn black... not the belly... the fat doesn't really taste great... and yes, the limbs... not the feet area, the part where the feet ends... the arm muscles and the thigh muslces.. now they taste great..."

Tears rolled down her eyes. She remembers back to romance in office with him. 'Was it all a lie? The things he talked about. Everything was so real. So real.' She still couldn't move or talk.

"Logic also tells us that we should always know our food. I have an upper hand... I actually KNOW you.. You live, You breathe, You feel, And I know your wishes, your plans... I know you.... I knew you already in the first month though. We would have gotten this over with then if you didn't have to do your laundry. But chasing you was fun. The catch is marvelous... and so by knowing you, I know which part I should start with."

She was being eaten. Fear Grabbed her more now. More than the sadness of betrayal.

"You don't do much exercise, so your arms were not much of interest to me... your bosom... is just so... unrealitically big... frankly, I never thought they were real. Yeah.. but you always had the sexist of the thighs...."

She rolled her eyes to her thighs. Without Speaking, Without Moving.

Her transparent dress which she wore for him was torn in the thighs... and she could see blood red... and white... her thigh bone... She could she her femur- the bone that joins the pelvis to the knee... a whole chunk of meat was missing from her right leg.

He begins singing in the worst possible voice "Todaaaaay is a greaaaaat daaaaay... cuz..... boooooth my laaaave are weeeeeth me"....

Tears. Uncontrolled tears. And more tears. She did not feel any pain, she was completely paralyzed. They were just tears coming out of her.
.........................

Dedicated to "Hannibal the Cannibal"... The greatest villian cinema has seen so far.

Normal...

फेरी निद्रा लागेन

अब २-३ बज्छ, ट्वाल्ल पर्यो, बस्यो, यसो को को छन्... भनेर online हेर्यो, ती नै हुन्छन जैले...

जैले देखिरकाहरू।
काम नपाकाहरू।
काम भाको भए बिहान ९ बजे हाजिर गर्नु पर्ने हुन्थ्यो होला, अरू मान्छे सरह,
Normal मान्छे सरह...

Normal हुनु पनि काई हो।
स्वाद नै हुन्न क्या life मा। हरेक दिन उही routine... उही व्यस्तता।
अनि हरेक हप्ता शुक्रबारको पर्खाई
दारू खानलाई।

शुक्रबारको पर्टीमा नि जहिले त्यही group हुन्छ।
अनि त्यही कुरा... त्यहाँ नभाको मान्छेको...
त्यस्तोलाई "कुरा काट्ने" भन्छन् अलिक पाकाहरूले।।

नेपाली भनेपछि कुरा काट्ने भनेको रगतमै हुन्छ क्यार
दुनियाले चाहिँ केटीहरूले... मुख्यत: आईमाईहरूले धेरै कुरा काट्छन् भन्छन्!
होला।।
तर मैले देखेको, केटाहरूपनि उत्तिकै छन।


४-५ जना केटा केटा भेलाहुँदा... दारू खाँदा... गफको मात्रै Quantityको हिसाब गर्ने हो भने:

१. नम्बरमा केटीको... धेरैमा देखेको, कुरा काट्ने मै पारेको यसलाई पनि।

२.नम्बरमा ...बुढाहरूमा बेसी Politicsको गफ हुन्छ, अनि Teenagers मा कत्तिको झ्याप भईयो, या यो भन्दा नि अझै झ्याप कहिले भाको थियो, र त्याहाँ, त्यो बेला, के कस्तो ताल देखाईयो....

३. अरू मूड अनुसार हुन्छ.... गफ। Ideas, Plans, Sports, Movies, Philosophy,

त्यो Ageको मुड जे छ, त्यही अनुसार।

४. २-३ जना मात्र भाको बेला दु:ख बाँडिएला। यस्तो भयो भने रक्सी पिएको सार्थकभो मान्छु म चाहीँ।

तर यस्तो बेला उपदेश लिन हुन्न। किनकी, झ्याप सुरमा मन-लाग्दी बोलिन्छ।

४ नम्बरमा दु:ख बाड्नु भनेको, सुनाउनु मात्र हो। दारू खाको मान्छे सँग Therapy खोज्ने हैन।
बोल्न दिने हो, अनि अर्कै तर्फ मन डुलाउने।

.....दारूमा पुगेछ कुरो। हामी Routine जिन्दगीको कुरा गर्दै थियौँ।....

मान्छेको कस्तो हुन्छ भने...
मान्छेलाई रोग लागे पछि मत्रै ....हिँड- डुल गर्न पाए हुन्थ्यो,
घुम्न पाए हुन्थ्यो, date जान पाए हुन्थ्यो लाग्छ...
प्रतक्ष असर नपरे सम्म.... तँलाईँ यस्तो हुन्छ, अनि तँ मर्छस्, भन्ने नपरे सम्म केही ठूलो परिवर्तन आऊँदैन।

त्यही बटोमा सोच्ने हो भने,
जिन्दगी रमेर जिउँछु भन्छौँ तर... कतिसम्म? एकदिन मरिहालिन्छ, जस्तो लाग्छ...
एक दिन मरिहालिन्छ, मोज गरुम्, २ दिनको जिन्दगानी... भन्दा फेरी... "पाप लाग्ला है"!! भन्छन्
तर म फेरी, भगवानको पूजा- अर्चना नगरे पनि, स्वर्ग र नर्क चाहीँ मान्छु।


नर्क देखि साह्रै डर लाग्छ।
नर्कमा त पोल्छन् रे।
हामी तात् तातो तेलमा,फ्राई हुन्छौँ अरे, बेसनमा दलेर होला, स्वादको लाई
अनि यमराजका भूँडीवाल दानव पालेहरूका लागि... KFM हुन्छ होला, केन्टकी फ्राई मान्छे।
बकेट बकेट खाने होलान् है हाम्रो....

त्यतिमा मात्रमा पीडा सकिन्न नि।
त्यहाँ बाट, दानवको digestive systemको सयर,
अनि एकै थुप्रो,
आत्मा हो क्यार, अजर-अमर हुन्छ... (सन्चो हुन समय लाग्ला, तर सन्चो हुन्छ)
अनि एकै छिन निको हुन बिश्राम,नुवाई धुवाई,
अनि फेरी, त्यही Routine.


तर अब,
स्वर्ग चाहीँ रमाईलो सुनिन्छ।
ईन्द्रको Clubमा गयो,
Dance हेर्यो,
मुड चले अप्सराहरू सँग Flirt गर्दै बस्यो... छुट्टै रमाईलो।

तर काँ हामी जस्तालाई छिर्न देलान त ? सार्है सोझो हुनु पर्ने होला है, त्या entry पाउन।
बाहिर फेरी
दारू भन्न नहुने होला।
जाम न 'सोमरस' खान... भन्यो भने, "हुन्न पाप हो", भन्ने होला ।

म अनि, "किन हुन्न?? भगवानले त खान्छन" भन्थेँ।
स्वर्गको Logic पनि पृथ्वीको जस्तै हुँदो हो... "भगवानले त गाँजा नि खान्छन्।"

अनि फेरी Topic change गर्न त्यही कुरा,
"तिमीले ३ हजार वर्षको मानव सभ्यताको दर्शन अध्य्यन गर्यौ ?"

ढाट्न मिल्दैन फेरी,
"अलि अलि गरेँ"

त्यहाँ पनि यस्तो गर् उस्तो गर, यस्तो नगर, उस्तो नगर, भन्नेहरू भईहाल्छन् नि।
"लौन, अध्ययन पुगेन है, पुगेन, ३ हजार वर्षको मानव सभ्यता र ३ करोड वर्ष भगवान दर्शन सकाउनु बाँकी छ। पुगेन"

त्यस्तै हुन्छ जस्तो लागिराको छ मलाई।

एक चम्चा पानीमा दुबेर मर, तेरो केही scope देखिन मैले।

Everyday People (Story)

He is in a small cubicle separated from the world around him. He stared into his computer screen. Both his hands were on the keyboard. He could hear no one. He felt away from everyone yet he felt remotely together.

He had to write what he was doing in about 140 words or less. He begins typing. 'Sitting in my office cubicle... waiting for a promotion, and a window with a view'... "No No NO" He shakes his head. "This is too much information". He pressed backspace until nothing remained in the box except a blinking cursor.

People read what you put on this, he thought. Just then a status update read- 'My child spent 30 minutes in the toilet today'. This was from his ex-classmate from grade 10. She had married earlier than him, and had two children- a boy and a girl. He himself had a girl about 9 years old. She spends hours in the bathroom herself. But it wouldn't seem appropriate to mention her bowels and toilet habits in public.

Another of his school mates had recently changed her profile picture. It was tiny, so he clicked on it to view it in full size... and... "Whoa!" escaped his mouth. He checked the time. It was a very recent update.

"She must still be online" he thought. And she was.

He faced a common problem: How to begin a written conversation with someone you have never spoken to? not even way back in Grade School?

Without thinking, he typed "Hi" and pressed enter

She replied almost instantly 'Hi to yourself, long time no see'

He takes a bold step and types: 'Yeah, tell me about it, I never saw you here until your profile picture change'

He waited for her reply which seemed to take forever. 'She must be thinking' he thought. He also had her profile page open- Age 32, unmarried, and looks like a underwear model. In her profile picture, she had a yellow top- tight fitting- not exposing, but visible, a red skirt- long legs, and hair that supports a very provocative look.

A red blip with the letter 1 appeared on the bottom right of his computer screen, it was her.

'Do I look fat in that picture?' She asked.

This was not flirting. He is not betraying his wife. He wife looked at him from his picture frame on the table. The picture was taken in Pokhara on their 7th anniversary second honeymoon. She was smiling in the picture. His wife did not look angry.

'All I see are muscles- no fat there' He replied

This private moment was disturbed by his co-worker. "Hey! The company bus will come around in about half an hour. Get Ready, we're taking pictures outside."

Another red blip with the letter "2" appeared.

'Really?'
'You look good too, You used to wear glasses in school right?' She asked.

He then replied:
'Yeah- huh you remembered'
'I wanted to look like a hindi film hero, a nice guy :-)) '

She said:
'ha ha.. you looked Like a studious person'

He was enjoying this: 'Now... not like a nerd though right?'

She too showed she was enjoying this. 'No! you were not good in studies. Nerds are good in studies. I beat you in almost everything'

She remembers so much detail. And its been over 15- 16 years.

He was about to type, 'seems like yesterday doesn't it' but deleted everything.

Again a disturbance from his colleague. "Come on! You're Missing Office Group Pictures".

He had to say goodbye to his ex classmate. 'Hey, I have to go. Lets catch up sometime over coffee or lunch' he said Without any hope of reply from her.

She then replied, 'Sure, I would like that very much'

He smiled while he typed good bye. Sure he was married for ten years, but it was not like he was doing anything immoral. Actually he was happy for himself. " I Still got it... I still got the power." He was smiling as he went for the group pictures.

.........................................................

He was sure his pictures came out good. He was smiling all the time during first round of pictures, until the fifth round. Then, it started getting a little irritating.

Everyone had a camera there. And everyone was taking pictures. Click here and click there. And then they starting to make faces and pose in front of the camera.

He remembered the last outing from the office when everyone had a camera for a single purpose "TO UPLOAD PHOTOS" And they uploaded everything. Even the 'being drunk stupid' part. He always thought Nepalese who stay abroad were more liberal in terms of showing what they drink and smoke and syringe compared to people in Nepal. He hated to be proved wrong.

....What he felt most irritating was the album names they use 'A fun time with friends'. "How would they be having a nice time if they are busy photographing? Loners, Narcissists... Everyone of them", he thought.

After a series of camera parties, he had vowed never to go to another party for the rest of his office going life. But this one was important. One of his seniors was leaving, going abroad. Which meant a vacant post. He was due for a promotion. And everything was going good for him.
.................................................

The party was exactly like he thought it would be. People would start drinking, making smoke circles, talk about nothing, and then start clicking. Click here, click there, click click, click, click, click everywhere... He needed to breathe.

He took a huge gulp of his drink. And stayed there trying to hold a smile to everyone, to every camera pointed at or around himself. Conscious of everything. Never relaxed.

He didn't know why he was still in the party. His work here was done. He was there; He was sitting beside his leaving senior, his boss knows he is in the party, he was smiling to every camera, but it was getting unbearable.

No one really wants to listen to each other. And everyone is constantly talking, getting drunk and getting stupid. He wanted to get out.

A colleague sitting beside him tells him, "Hey.. Hey... Your Phone's been ringing for hours."

He reached to his jacket pocket. It was his wife.

He picked up his phone, listened for a while and said, "Stay there, Stay there... I am coming over right now, just stay there".

He then turned to the colleague sitting beside him, "I have to go, my daughter is sick". He then said his last farewell to the abroad going senior, and clarified his leave to his head boss.
...................................................

His wife had called him because their 9 year old daughter had fainted. On the way back home, he called his doctor friend who said he would come by the next day.

He reached the front door and rang the bell. His wife opened and said almost immediately, "She is sleeping. Do you know our daughter has been dieting?"

He was baffled. "Dieting? What? Why in the world... ?"

"She says she wants to be a model." Replied his wife.

"My God. Is this what its all about?" He replied in a matter of fact way.

His wife gave him a look saying 'Do you know something I don't?'

He begins explaining. "She was taking this quiz in this social networking site. 'What should be your ambition'... or something like that. The results are fashionable celebrity Ambitions like Astronaut, or Journalist, or Scientist, or a Politician."

"And her's came a model?" His wife always filled in the gaps in their conversation.

"Supermodel" he corrected her, "It is supposed to make us feel good about ourselves. People don't take these things seriously".

"She is a child. She grabs these sort of things. I have child locked the television so that she wouldn't be influenced by it... and..and...You said this site would be a nice learning experience for her."

"It is a nice learning experience, I didn't think about this.... I'll talk to her in the morning." He tried defending himself.

His wife takes a deep breath. "Did you have dinner?"

"Yeah.. "
.......................................................

Bedtime was early for his wife. He however was in the television room. He was thinking about everything. When he came to his senses, he realized he was watching a French channel.

He didn't follow the usual routine of TV and then internet. He didn't visit the social-networking site that night. It didn't feel awkward. He brushed his teeth and went straight to bed.

In the bed, he was thinking about child locking the internet. He had read somewhere that internet is the Twenty First Century addiction. He calculated his hours in the internet. All day in office, and back home over 8 hours. 'Every addiction had a price to pay' he thought, "Maybe I should lay off the site for a while"

He then tried sleeping. He thought about what he would tell his daughter, and if his boss will promote him or not. Then, his mind then wandered off to the unmarried 32 year old ex classmate. 'Wonder why she is unmarried?"

He was falling asleep but the visions of his daughter as a 32 year old unmarried model came to him haunting back. He opened his eyes. "Bloody Site!" he cursed and fell back to bed.

Therapies.

Its 3:15 AM and I am typing on my keyboard. No No no I didn't plan this. I don't plan something like this. I am spontaneous, moody. I guess I need some sort of outlet. This is how I do it. I punch the keyboard.

I believe, Everyone has some form of outlet. Some form of therapy. I am not talking about going to a shrink. Many people cannot afford that. However, psychoanalysis is done naturally by many people.

I know people who go to a gym. I used to; I was awful. But these regulars say its quite refreshing. I talked to a few (and I am filtering only interesting answers here). They say, People relate gym-going to "real life". For example, they Imagine a face on the punching bag. That face may be of the teacher who gave them a 'C' on the end semester exams, or boss who never talks about a raise, or dads who never buy The Yamaha FZ-16.

I hate going to gyms. I am lazy. So what do lazy people like me, find therapy in?

Drinking. That's therapeutic. You actually go for a drink to talk, but you drink because you cannot just sit in a bar for free. I know people who drink quite often. They seem happy. But You shouldn't have someone to support or depend upon if you want that life style. If a Family Man drinks, he goes home, has a debate with the wife, and a brawl with the 16 year old son who can really throw a fist.

People say Fighting is therapy. You find a good release from this. But Not really recommended. Ah, and Smoking pot- always therapeutic. Shouldn't make it a habit though. Its Not much fun if the release is the routine.

People find therapy in Religion too. A large chunk of people- Young, old, ugly, beautiful, any color, shape, size or form. I guess religion has always been there, its tradition. Religious stories must have been the sole source of leisure before televisions or books or drinking. And religious places must have been the chat rooms and hangout areas of today.

Religion has been there since ages, and in different cultures too. Sure, there is diversity and many tend to take it seriously. I don't. I belong to the Hindu persuasion by the way- by birth. I am not obliged to worship a particular god though. So, its Quite liberal.

You know what I think? I think Religion is what people with good imagination created to guide their society into a particular direction. And Everyone thinks their religion IS the path to Glory. I guess you can use that theory for politics too : Marx, Mao, Che, Congress, Communists, Democratic, Republican, Liberals. Everyone thinks their path leads to Glory.

Einstein once said that religion provides discipline by fear. You know, fear of going to hell. Nepali politicians would say if you don't follow us, you will go to hell. See they are similar. Politics is also good therapy.

But its not really religion they find therapy in, its God. I believe in God. I believe that God has a great sense of humor. Human Beings are God's cartoons. Human beings have free will- God does not Control us, so that makes us very interesting, and funny.

The power of Making free choices allows Human Beings to aspire. To have an Ambition. Quite Simply, to HOPE. Everyone hopes. (I got that from 'a hopeless person ends his life' so..) Too many people hoping for something good, struggling for something good, Striving for a future- Makes them really funny.

If I were God, I would be Laughing my Ass off when YOU humans close your eyes, join your hands and bow down your heads and pray for "Better Grades for exams", "Good Husbands", "Beautiful faithful Wives", "The wish to see the world", "More Money", "Long Life", "Better Health", "Peace", "Team Wins the world Cup"... if you really dwell on it, every wish is funny.

If I were God, I would meet every human being, after they die of course. I would ask them(very seriously at first, "How Did your life go"? (I would have that special power to be in all places at once, so that I could spend quality time with everyone.) And then, I would sit down with them, have my angel bring them some heavenly wines. After we are a bit woozy and settled, together, we would start watching a series of wishes and the way that person tried fulfilling it. And then Laugh. I would be laughing at the person of course, but since the person is settled drinking the wine, and the person would be with GOD- the almighty himself, someone really close to the person, so, he or She would also laugh with me.

Laughter- Now there is a Great Therapy.

15 minutes of Fame

I hate it when people are famous for having no talent. What kind of celebrities are they? Models. I have this theory. Beautiful people are stupid. Especially beautiful people who come on the media.

They are famous because they are beautiful. Now I am not cursing a profession. Its good to be professional, but people really have to think about the effects of their profession. Fashion TV has really really beautiful, professional, mouth watering girls. They get paid more in a day's job than what we earn in a year just for staying beautiful and anorexic. But They dont think about the effects. That's why I call them stupid.

One of The effect on the society is that girls... very very young girls... who are told they are beautiful by their parents... who mold their perception of society looking at fashion TV become very depressed... Because of the model's figures. They start striving to achieve it. So, they start dieting- depriving themselves of all the essential nutrients they need to grow up healthily. Some even start painful sessions of self induced vomiting.

We sort of discussed celebrities in "Media Culture and Society". That was like 2 years ago. We need models to sell. Because guys like looking at girls and girls like being looked at by guys and the media being the place to show us "what we should strive to be like".
Celebrities are hence used by media. Especially advertisers. However, these people have a very small screen life. You have heard the line "15 minutes of fame". I told you they have no talents.

I hate it when people are famous for having no talents. Rishi Dhamala- he had this space for news people to collect news. Dont microscope the guy. You will find talents everywhere if you do that. Even staying anorexic is a talent then.

OK an example then. and also the reason I am writing this. I am trying to tell it like a love story. Bear with me.

City Center. Kamalpokhari. The new Mall where they show the 4D movie. I went to see that the other day. It costs Rs. 300. Its a waste of money. Archan had told me so. But I went there anyway. Just to see technology. And they had that warning sign... NO HEART PATIENTS... NO PREGNANT WOMEN ALLOWED INSIDE. I thought it was scary. (A victim of good marketing).

And there she was. I first saw her in the 2nd floor. And I ran into her on the 3rd floor. YOu know, sometimes, you see a person, and you have that feeling that you have met her somewhere, but you dont really remember. I dont really meet too many good looking girls. I study in KU. Girls in KU are not stupid.

Anyway.. I knew her from somewhere. I didnt remember. Maybe she looked like someone I knew.

Whatever... She was beautiful. She was wearing this whitish kurta with some blue pattern. I dont know what that pattern was, I couldn't take my eyes of the most beautiful, perfect face I had ever seen. I dont know the color of her eyes. I wasnt so close. But they were supported by the wonderful looking eyebrows. And killer expressions when she was talking. She gazed into a bag shop from outside. You know we sort of tend to focus our eyes to something that's far. And she did that with expressions. अदा. It was like WOW. And she was a human. She didn't have wings. I checked that.

All the while I was lost in my thoughts (everything written above and many things more),... I didn't realize I was staring at her, and I was stalking her. You draw a line somewhere right? So I stopped. Sat down and recollected. Then it came to me. I had been seeing her every time I come to kathmandu in Baneshwore standard Chartered Bank's green colored hoarding board. Almost everyday In Jamal's overhead bridge- Samgsung. She always looked great with that apple in her hand. Sneh Rana.

It was mesmerizing. I was under the spell of true beauty. I had to wait for about an hour for the 4D movie. It was sweetest hour I ever spent. I stayed imagining her sitting right by me inside the hall, and then asking me "I am scared May i Hold your Hand?". I know. A teenager's fantasy. hehe. I am not ashamed. It was nothing dirty, or lusty. It was very sacred. I was respecting true beauty.

My point:
She was not anorexic. And she is talented. She is a beautician. She is married though. "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife". But anyway... it was beauty perfect beauty. Because she is a beautician, maybe in her case it'll stay for more than just the 15 minutes (I hope it does). And so its not a crime to be beautiful, and to make money off it. But People should respect beauty if it makes sense. And advertisers will never stop using these beautiful people. But health should also be a priority. The audience is always stupid. They'll buy it if someone convincing sells it to them. The people who make it convincing should start believing in heaven and hell and do something for the people.

Pretty Kathmandu...

Blind Bats in God's Caves
Hang Upside Down on a Rocky Ceiling
The Stream runs down below, constant
They wake up always to total darkness.
Move around, Do what is expected.
and go back to sleep before the sky turns blue.


Before Dawn, Birds are outside
Sweet Morning Air, heavy midday work, and tiring evening...
The Stream ripples through pointy stones- and they drink from it.
They Play, they mate, and conjugate.
Form a fantasy and Work late, and go home to slumber in sorrows.
Every Night Before sleeping, they hum the same tunes:
" Pretty Kathmandu, How I wish I was Born Again to A God's life"


A Beehive.
The stream takes a turn
The Bees always miserly.
Work in teams, Organize, share the work
Dance, communicate,make honey.
Ensure Enough Supplies in the winter.
Every Morning, before dawn, the hymn:
"Pretty Kathmandu- I don't want to break a smile to another fiend again".


Always, Rich and Glory to the Vultures.
the stream is a beautiful waterfall
Vultures fly around in circles
they feed, they kill, have made fear their primary arsenal.
Vultures- Respected, by everyone
SO they smile.
Smile in front of millions, and preach.
Preach the route of "fear":
"Pretty Kathmandu- self survival, and mass brainwash"

Pretty Kathmandu
Where Hopes Bleeds Blue.
NO one is ALONE... everyone is LONELY.
Trapped in routines, Ambition, fantasy, hope, motive, birth, death.
Trapped in Life.

Crowing towards sunrise
crowing back home at dusk.
Living each life, their own way
Everyone believes their way is right.

But, When everyone is right... no one IS.

("Pretty Kathmandu" Phrase courtesy: Bigyan Raj Gyawali)

Mind your language... and Lay it on them

आपत्तिजनक तथा अभद्र भाषा: When we informally learn a language, I don't think we start with A, B, C, D. We go straight to the cursing words. I grew up with a lot of Newars. And I have learned nothing but "Haku", "Kicha" and "Maka" (काले, कुकुर, बाँदर)... and a lot more nastier words.

If you watched "into the Wild", you will remember this phrase, " Call everything by its right name". The thing is.. we have to know what we are talking about.

I would like to take that concept and merge it into cursing. Everyone Curses. It may be a small साले or a huge "F#(k". But its a nice way to lash out something building inside you. And guys cannot survive without cursing. That's our signature. But you don't do it every time. You don't curse in front of your boss or your parents.

But talking about people and derogating them (backbiting) is an accepted pass time when two people or more meet up.

I read a blog from this girl once who said there is too much cursing in Australian trains. She was urging like "Broharu" ट्रेनमा मुख नछाड्नु न ल?

I don't support that either. Hardcore curses may sound beautiful in "Twaake Production". Or even television or internet because they are more for a private viewing in your homes. When you have locked your doors. But never in public place. You cannot use hardcore curse in public.

That's a rule, but... its meant to be broken. There are some softer versions of Curses which are very derogative but... they're accepted.


Something like : Kaaai.


काई:
१. सिमसार वा रुखमा उम्रने हरियो मासिनु झ्याउ; पानी झ्याउ
२. दाँत वा जिब्रोमा लाग्ने सेतो गन्हाउने लेउ
३. बिरामी पर्दा हत्केला, पैतला,आदिमा देखा पर्ने कालो मयल
४. सफा नगर्दा योनिमा जम्ने मयल
५. ढुड्गा, माटो आदिमा लाग्ने चिप्लो वस्तु;
६. काठ, धातु आदिका भाँडाभित्र जम्ने मयल;


You have to be careful though. You want to curse, but you should always call everything by its right name. It was 2nd year Media studies I guess we had a course on "Globalization". There was this huge chapter about "cultural colonization"- Rule the smaller cultures by disseminating ones language. Eg: English is the global language.

Some of the words are quite famous:
Psycho: Victim of sever mental or emotional distraction.

Everyone uses it.

And some of the more famous words... may have a Nepali word which may not be related...
There is a Nepali word called :फोगिन

फोगिन : माग्ने कामबाट जीवन धान्ने


People say that's what Indians have been trying to do to Nepal. Indians are trying to make Nepal their Cultural colony. There are some Indian words, which have a completely different meaning in Nepali. But we use the Indian words because we are more accustomed to it. And besides, Nepali words have come off Sanskrit, Arabian, English etc. But there is always "Calling everything by its right name".

The Indian version of Psycho is probably "भेजा" . But, The Nepali word "भेजा" has a completely different meaning.

भेजा:
१. चिठी आदि पठाउने; प्रेषक
२. गुठी वा यस्तै धार्मिक कृत्यमा सामूहिक रूपले घर घर बाट उठाइने सिधा, दक्षिणा आदि।


Another word is more common but very much mis interpreted : छक्का

छक्का:
१. छ दोबर, छ गुना; छक्के
२. सोह्र वा आठ कौडाले खेलिने जुवाको एक ढाउ

My point, If you have a Nepali version of the word, why not use it.

षण्ड:
नपुंसक; हिँजडा। स्त्री. षण्डा

There are more interesting words in Nepali. Which are common. But sound so crude. I am comparing बोको and स्त्रीलम्पट: both of them sort of mean the same in Spoken language. Call someone a बोका first and then a स्त्रीलम्पट and look at their face change colors. Its more effective. And more derogative.

बोको:
बाख्रीको भाले; नसुमरेको पाठो;

स्त्रीलम्पट:
स्वास्नी वा स्वास्नीमानिस भनेपछि मरिमेट्ने; बढूता स्त्रीप्रसड्ग गर्ने, कामुक।


There are common words too. But if you see it in the meaning level, just the same... very derogative.


ग्वाजे:
लठेप्रो पाराको; ग्वाँगे, लाटो। ग्वाच (modernized)

पाते:
कसैले बोलेको कुरा हास्यात्मक रीतिबाट काट्ने उल्क्याहा व्यक्ति

मूला:
१. साग र कन्द दुबै पकाएर वा काँचै खाईने शाकजातीय एक उदभिद बनस्पति।
२. बेकम्मा; रद्दी (लक्षणिक अर्थमा)

पाजी:
१. गधाको बच्चा
२. कसैलाई गालीका रूपमा मानिने शब्द।
३. दुष्ट; दुर्जन
४. नीच; तुच्छ

भाते:
१. भातका भरमा अर्काको काम गरी जीवन बिताउने भतुवा
२. कुनै काम, ईलम नगरी बसेर मत्र खाने; भातमारा


There are some traditional curses that sound "so Natural". And they're not regarded as Hardcore. Very helpful to get people depressed.

गाँडे:
१. घाँटीमा गाँड निस्किएको गाँड भएको; गँडोहो।
२. नमिल्दो स्वभावको, असुहाउँदिलो अस्वभाविक
३. मिलनसार नभएको; गाँडू
४. कामै नलाग्ने हलम्बू; लट्ठक: गाँडो


मुढे:
१. बुध्दिसुध्दि नभएको बल; मढपेलाई; जबर्जस्ती
२. मुर्खता; मुर्ख्याईँ


मोरो:
१. मुर्दा; लास; शव
२. लोग्नेमानिसलाई गाली गर्दा वा भित्र माया भए तापनि बाहिर रिस देखाउँदा प्रयोग गरिने शब्द । स्त्री. मोरी।

लिँडे:
पुच्छर नभएको; ठूटे ।
२. एकोहोरो; हठी ; जिद्दीवाल।
३. गाली गर्दा प्रयोग गरिने शब्द


नाथे:
१. नाकका प्वालभित्र उम्रने रौँ
२. कसैलाई हेला, घृणा वा तिरस्कार गर्दा भनिने शब्द; कसैलाई होच्याउन भनिने शब्द
३. तुच्छ; नीच; जाबो; पमर

धुन्धुकारि:
१. फट्याईँ गर्दै हिँड्ने व्यक्ति; उल्लू मानिस
२. खराब आचरण गर्ने छोरो; कपूत; कुपुत्र

पतित:
१. खसेको; झरेको; गिरेको
२. जाति; धर्म आदिबाट च्यूत भएको
३. आचारभ्रष्ट चरित्र भष्ट
४. माहापापी; पातकी
५. नीच

पिचास:
१. जथाबावी खाने; हन्तकाली
२. फोहोरी; असभ्य्; जड्गली।

For any language, the dictionary is the dirtiest book there is. And the above words are only random samples Nepali Dictionary. But its a nice book. Really nice. You'll feel proud of the dictionary's weight and richness of Nepali Language.

Use it.. enhance your dirty vocabulary. And ... Lay it out on them.